Perhaps the recent Chinese hacking was actually the cause of Rep. Anthony Weiner‘s mistweeted wiener photo? Hackers accessed his Google and Twitter accounts and sent the infamous picture. Why, you ask?
Ha! As if it wasn’t already clear. All of this is obviously a nefarious plot.
The Chinese are secretly huge Obama fans. They love his socialist/fascist/Islamofascist/weak-kneed-liberal agenda, and also—believe it or not—he was born in Beijing and attended a Buddhist temple school for years before his mother fabricated the born-in-Kenya story before she fabricated the born-in-Hawaii story.
By diverting media attention to Weiner’s wiener, the Chinese have successfully hijacked the only serious news story in American politics today: THE SARAH PALIN BUS TOUR. If the media can’t cover her, she won’t get the precious limelight she needs to survive. She won’t be able to run for president and stop Obama’s secret plans to make America a Chinese fiefdom under sharia law. Even a media powerhouse like Sarah Palin can’t compete with illicit phalli. Americans know what they like, and imagining where famous phalli have gone is near the top of their list, even ahead of fantasizing about attractive women in positions of power.
Sound about right? I think I’d rather believe this than accept that we’re getting non-stop coverage of Sarah Palin and crotches this week because That’s Actually What Americans Want. Give me a few more minutes and I could probably work in Osama Bin Laden’s death.